Relationship Root Cause Assessment

NLP Relationship Coaching

The Root Cause
Relationship Assessment

A comprehensive diagnostic tool to help identify the underlying patterns silently shaping your relationship — so healing can begin at the source.

✦ Confidential | 70 Questions | 10–15 Minutes ✦

Progress

0 / 70

How to use this assessment: Answer each question based on how things have generally felt over the past 3–6 months — not just today. Be honest with yourself. There are no right or wrong answers.

For Likert scale questions, choose from: Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, or Always. For multiple-choice questions, select the answer that fits best.

Your results will identify your top areas of concern and provide guidance on where to focus your healing work. This assessment is a starting point — not a diagnosis.

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Section One

Communication & Expression

01.I feel genuinely heard and understood when I share something important with my partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

02.Arguments or disagreements in our relationship tend to escalate quickly rather than stay calm and solution-focused.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

03.I hold back thoughts, feelings, or concerns because I fear how my partner will react.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

04.We end up talking over the same problems repeatedly without ever reaching real resolution.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

05.Which best describes how criticism typically happens in your relationship?

We rarely criticize; we focus on the issue Occasional criticism, mostly about behaviors Frequent criticism that often feels personal Constant criticism — it feels like an attack on who I am

06.After conflict, we reconnect and repair our bond in a healthy way.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

07.I feel comfortable saying “no” or setting boundaries with my partner without fear of punishment or withdrawal.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Two

Intimacy, Romance & Desire

08.My partner initiates affection — touch, compliments, flirting — that makes me feel wanted.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

09.I feel emotionally connected to my partner during physical intimacy.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

10.There is a noticeable mismatch in sexual desire or frequency expectations between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

11.We make deliberate time for romance, dates, or quality one-on-one connection.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

12.I feel physically attractive and desired by my partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

13.We still laugh, joke, and play together — there is lightness in our relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Three

Trust, Loyalty & Infidelity

14.I trust my partner completely — with my heart, my secrets, and my vulnerabilities.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

15.Has there been an incident of infidelity (emotional or physical) in this relationship?

No — never There have been situations that blurred boundaries Yes — and we haven’t fully worked through it Yes — and it is an ongoing or repeated issue

16.I check my partner’s phone, social media, or whereabouts out of suspicion rather than curiosity.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

17.There are secrets, hidden friendships, or emotional connections with others that I keep from my partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

18.Jealousy — mine or my partner’s — creates tension or conflict in our relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

19.We have clearly defined and mutually agreed-upon boundaries around friendships, social media, and interactions with the opposite sex.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Four

Toxic Patterns & Power Dynamics

20.I experience manipulation — guilt-tripping, silent treatment, threats, or emotional blackmail — in this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

21.My partner dismisses or minimizes my feelings — making me feel dramatic, oversensitive, or “crazy.”

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

22.There is an imbalance of power — one person controls decisions, finances, or social interactions.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

23.One or both of us tend to “keep score” — bringing up past mistakes to win arguments.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

24.I feel like I walk on eggshells — monitoring my words and behavior to avoid triggering my partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

25.Which pattern best describes how we handle accountability when something goes wrong?

We both take responsibility and apologize genuinely Responsibility is shared but apologies feel hollow One person always ends up taking the blame Blame is weaponized and there is rarely true accountability

26.There has been verbal, emotional, or physical aggression in this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Five

Stress, Finances & Life Pressure

27.Financial stress or disagreements about money create significant tension between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

28.External pressures — work, health, family obligations — spill over and affect how we treat each other.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

29.We struggle to work as a team when navigating major life stressors (illness, job loss, moving, parenting).

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

30.One or both of us uses unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, substances, overworking, gambling, screens) that affect the relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

31.How would you describe the division of household responsibilities and labor in your relationship?

Fair and mutually agreed upon Somewhat unbalanced — we acknowledge it One person carries significantly more — and resents it Deeply unbalanced and a constant source of conflict

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Section Six

Mental Health & Emotional Wellbeing

32.One or both of us struggles with depression, anxiety, or emotional dysregulation that affects the relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

33.I have felt emotionally numb, disconnected, or indifferent toward my partner for extended periods.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

34.We support each other’s mental and emotional wellbeing — not just during crisis but day-to-day.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

35.Mood swings, anger outbursts, or emotional unpredictability create an atmosphere of instability at home.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

36.One or both of us has sought or is open to individual therapy or mental health support.

Yes — both of us are engaged in personal growth work One of us is; the other is resistant Neither of us, but we’d be open to it No — and one or both of us strongly resists outside help

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Section Seven

Childhood Wounds & Attachment Patterns

37.I recognize patterns in my relationship that mirror what I witnessed growing up — even the unhealthy ones.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

38.I struggle with fear of abandonment, rejection, or being “too much” — and it affects how I behave in this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

39.How would you describe your attachment style in relationships?

Secure — I trust, connect, and give space easily Anxious — I cling, over-communicate, or fear loss Avoidant — I withdraw, shut down, or value independence over intimacy Disorganized — I crave closeness but also fear it intensely

40.Unresolved trauma — from childhood, past relationships, or other experiences — is showing up and affecting our dynamic.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

41.I find it difficult to be vulnerable or emotionally open with my partner, even when I want to be.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

42.Self-worth issues — feeling unlovable, not good enough, or undeserving of happiness — affect how I show up in this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Eight

Cultural, Values & Belief Differences

43.Differences in cultural background, religion, or core values create friction between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

44.We disagree about fundamental life goals — children, where to live, lifestyle, or the future we want.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

45.Expectations around gender roles, family structure, or parenting create tension between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

46.Outside family — in-laws or extended family — exert pressure on or interfere in our relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

47.We share a vision for the future — goals, lifestyle, and what a good life looks like.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Nine

Commitment, Growth & The Future

48.Both of us are equally committed to working on this relationship — not just one person carrying the effort.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

49.I have seriously considered leaving this relationship in the past year.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

50.We invest in our relationship — through intentional time, effort, learning, or professional support.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

51.We celebrate each other’s wins, support each other’s individual growth, and cheer each other on.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

52.How hopeful do you feel about the future of this relationship?

Very hopeful — I believe we can heal and grow Cautiously hopeful — if we both commit to change Uncertain — I’m not sure it’s possible Not hopeful — but I’m here for answers and clarity

53.Despite the difficulties, there are still moments of genuine love, warmth, and connection between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Ten

Parenting, Family & Co-Existence

54.Parenting disagreements or different approaches to raising children create significant conflict.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

55.Since having children (or stepchildren), the romantic and emotional connection between us has weakened significantly.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

56.We present a united front with our children and don’t undermine each other’s authority or decisions.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

57.Blended family dynamics (step-children, co-parenting with an ex, etc.) are a source of conflict.

Not applicable to our situation It applies — but it’s managed well It’s a frequent and painful source of tension It feels unmanageable and is damaging the relationship

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Section Eleven

Identity, Independence & Self

58.I have lost a sense of myself — my interests, friendships, or identity — inside this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

59.We give each other healthy space — for friendships, hobbies, and individual time — without resentment.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

60.There is an unhealthy level of codependency — where one or both of us cannot function, decide, or feel okay without the other’s approval.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

61.I feel like I can be my authentic self — quirks, imperfections, and all — around my partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

62.Personal growth — mine or my partner’s — has created distance, resentment, or feelings of being “left behind.”

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

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Section Twelve

Overall Relationship Health

63.We genuinely like each other as people — separate from being romantic partners.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

64.The ratio of positive interactions to negative ones in our relationship feels healthy and balanced.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

65.I feel respected, valued, and appreciated as a partner.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

66.I feel safe — emotionally, physically, and psychologically — in this relationship.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Always

Strongly disagreeStrongly agree

67.If you had to name the single biggest issue in your relationship right now, what would it be?

We can’t communicate without it becoming a fight Trust has been broken and we haven’t recovered We’ve lost the romance, desire, and connection There are toxic or unhealthy patterns we can’t break Past wounds and baggage are destroying the present We want fundamentally different things in life External pressure and stress is tearing us apart I genuinely don’t know — something is just broken

68.On a scale of 1–10, how would you rate the overall health of your relationship right now?

1–2 Critical — barely holding together 3–4 Struggling — more pain than peace 5–6 Strained — has potential but needs serious work 7–8 Decent — good foundation, needs refinement 9–10 Strong — just needs fine-tuning and support

69.How long have the main issues in your relationship been present?

Less than 6 months — this is relatively new 6 months to 2 years 2–5 years — it’s been building for a while 5+ years — this has been our dynamic for a long time

70.What would a healed, thriving version of this relationship look like to you — and do you believe it’s still possible?

I have a clear vision — and I believe we can get there I have a vision — but I’m unsure if my partner shares it The vision is blurry — I just know something has to change I’m not sure what “healed” looks like anymore

You’ve answered all sections. Click below to receive your personalized root cause analysis and recommended next steps.

Please complete all questions before submitting.

Note: This assessment is for reflective purposes only. It does not replace professional therapy or crisis support.

Your Assessment Results

Root Cause Analysis

Based on your responses, here are the areas that appear to need the most attention

Based on your results, CLICK HERE to see the program specifically for you!

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