RELATIONSHIP BUILDING: EXERCISE
A struggle that all of us will deal with at AT LEAST one point in our life are relationship issues. They come in all shapes and sizes, for all different reasons, and some of these stubborn things can last quite a while.
What I’m about to explain to you is a method called “anchoring”. Anchoring is quite simple. It’s the ability to “anchor” an emotion or feeling in your mind. These anchors can, then, be triggered by sight, sound, or touch.
The anchor I am about to walk you through is an auditory anchor, triggered by sound. We will set an auditory anchor in your mind to battle that current spat you have going on with your significant other.
Let me be clear…. There doesn’t have to be a current issue occurring in your relationship for this to be useful.
Let me skip beyond the science of anchors in general, and let’s get right to the point.
Now, here is what you’ll need:
Either your cell phone’s alarm clock, or a random notification generator. Look in your app store, there are plenty to choose from.
Pick out a specific notification tone. One that you’re not currently used to and maybe sticks out a bit.
Have the tone ready to play, and I would suggest that each person do this separately. This is achieved easier if you’re in a dark and quiet setting.
Okay, imagine you and your loved one on a day that was very sincere to you both. An important occasion maybe. A day that you felt full confidence in your relationship.
Imagine them on this day appearing the most attractive they have ever been to you.
On this day, there is no extra baggage of stress. You feel nothing. It doesn’t exists.
See yourself and your loved one accomplishing something together. A task. A long walk. Something physical you both do on this day. Completely care-free. Both of your future goals are aligned, and you’re moving forward.
Focus on the current weather. Dial in on every little detail. How it looks. How it feels. How your partner views it as well.
Focus in on the surrounding sounds. Dial in on the smallest details of the sounds. You can hear subtle body movements of your loved one. Their voice is playing in your ears. Down to the smallest detail.
Everything is perfect.
Dig further into your emotions about this day and ACTUALLY feel it. Feel the confidence IN your relationship.
Now press the tone you have selected, just once.
Slowly back out of that day and situation, and come back to the current time, and current reality.
Then you will need to exchange phones with your partner. Have your partner select a random time for the tone/alarm to go off the following day.
There’s always a possibility that the anchor did not properly set. It could have been something as simple as a distraction in your setting, or maybe your skepticism blocked that state because this is your first time. No worries. Simply go through the process again. The same anchor can be set again, and again, and again. Maybe on the second try, visualize the day with your other half in more specific detail. Dig further. Dig deeper.
What this achieves is the random anchor of that emotion you created on the following day, or any day you randomly program these tones. You’re essentially triggering an exact emotion with a sound. I have also found this to be helpful for relationships due to partners sharing the humor of this exercise after a few days.
Anchors, in general, can be extremely useful, and what I always like to say is…. what do you have to lose?